I went to bed early last night, accompanied by a raging headache and nausea. I fell asleep immediately and had the strangest dream. I can't recall the beginning, other than something to do with using an umbrella while riding a ferris wheel (um?), but I'll skip ahead to the relevant part - the part where I actually wrote a blog post in my dream.
We were renovating our bathroom when, while installing a dragon-head faucet (and not some cool grown-up dragon-head faucet, but rather a cutesy little bright green thing), something broke in the bathroom and sewage started spewing from a pipe under the sink. (I know that's not actually how things would be hooked up in reality. But dreams are what they are.) I turned off the tap, thereby stopping the flow of sewage, and left the bathroom with the intent of returning to fix it.
But you know how things go when you're a mother - one thing leads to the next, and suddenly I was back in the bathroom to wet a cloth to wipe a cute but dirty little face. I turned on the water and was instantly covered in sewage. I tried to back out of the disgusting spray only to find the three year old blocking my way. The harder I pushed against him, the harder he pushed back and prevented me from getting out of the way (he was surprisingly strong in my dream). It was all a hilarious game to him, while I, still being sprayed by sewage, couldn't open my mouth to tell him I was really very serious about his moving!
Finally managing to get both of us away from the spraying sewage, I proceeded to mentally compose a most witty blog post detailing the whole thing. As I pondered how best to walk down the hallway without tracking sewage the whole way, I decided some impromptu slippers were the way to go - but should I make them out of paper or a washcloth? Once I decided one way or the other, my very witty blog post was to include a tongue-in-cheek tutorial on how to make your own paper/washcloth slippers.
Sadly, I'll never know which joke tutorial I posted for you all, because it was at that point that my husband came to bed and, leaning painfully on my hair as he did so, woke me up. Feel free to leave him nasty comments. I'll be sure to pass them on.
In the meantime, I'll be seeing a therapist, as surely I must have issues if I'm composing blog posts in my dreams.
Happy Tuesday, everyone.