Now another new year has arrived, and my focus is shifting once again.
2010: Grace and Intention
2011: Joy and Rhythm
2012: Presence and Habit
2014: Go Forward
2017: Adapt and Renew
Adapt. Renew. I find these two words circling each other as I look at the year ahead. These past two years have been ones of intense and deliberate habit building. I have shifted my sleep schedule, taken up running, adjusted our homeschooling rhythms, and developed a solid work-from home routine. It's been good. Really good. I'm happy with these rhythms.
But change always comes, and I know myself well enough to recognize that the perfectionist in me doesn't adapt well. If I can't keep my ideal routines, then it's easier to simple cast them aside rather than try to fit them into new shapes.
Well, change is coming again. In June, we look forward to welcoming our fifth child into our home.
I can't tell you how grateful I am to be able to say that.
I also can't tell you how very much this changes those intentionally-developed rhythms and routines.
I've already had to give up running. I had visions of running throughout my pregnancy, or at least for as long as felt comfortable, but my quickly-loosening joints put an end to that early on. The usual first-trimester exhaustion and nausea meant I was sleeping later and napping frequently. My work hours began to dip and homeschooling rhythms shifted as well. And naturally the prospect of a baby meant that further changes to our family routine would become necessary in the months ahead. Such is the nature of pregnancy: a demand to slow down, to rest, to do less.
It didn't take long for that perfectionism and anxiety to start speaking up. If I can't run and if yoga just doesn't quite compare, then I guess I can't really do anything. If I can't get up before the kids are awake, then my usual pre-kids morning routine simply cannot happen at all. And so it goes.
Unsurprisingly, that wasn't working either. I could feel it as my anxiety rose, my patience dropped, and my internal motivation went for a run and didn't bother coming back.
And so I must Adapt. These rhythms, routines, and habits must be Renewed for the coming year. Rather than write it all off as a lost cause, a bit more creativity and flexibility is required of me. The renewal has begun; we are shifting things around, finding what works, always the continual change but this time keeping a little more of the Good from the hard-won habits of the past two years.
Adapt. Renew. The latter brings a sense of birth, fitting for the year ahead, while the former has a less delicate feeling to it, a demand to simply do what must be done. They feel equally fitting, somehow, and I take from each what I need for this time and for the time to come.
Do you have a One Word this year? a resolution? a new goal or habit? We'd love to hear about it!